Oh Negligence!

So we meet again. The curse of the uncommitted blogger. My bad.

Here's where I fill you in on what's been happening westward:

Noah's working a lot, he loves it and comes home with stories of adventure, chaos, celeb's, goodies of cheese, soap, green tea that smells like fart and 1 million neon blue trash bags that only kinda fit our trash can.

I'm back in school to become a Speech Therapist and have recently decided I'm suffering from schizophrenia because I live in California, I quit my PR gig, I'm going back to school and I suddenly don't like ketchup. Ask me my fate when I was 18 years old and I certainly wouldn't have won an award for psychic-ness.

Eesa has made a game of running out of the door of our apartment every time it opens. Yes, every time. She runs with little cat bowlegs. Yes, cats can have bowlegs. And does her funny, zippy run until she finds an appropriate alcove in the hall to hide and then jumps out to attack when we pursue in chase. She laughs a little cat hyena giggle every time. Yes, cats can giggle like hyena's.

We have a pool on the roof of our apartment building; it's small but warm and I think it's clean, but I still haven't figured out why Noah and I are the only, of the 70 building residents, to use it. Theories to come...

We got a new couch for $75 and I just know I'm allergic to it.

Hipsters are the new hippie.

I've never seen more 'fabulosity' on a Sunday afternoon than I have in West Hollywood, Santa Monica Blvd, West of La Cienaga. Greased up, studly men in banana hammocks dancing on tables...everywhere you look.

People love to 'brunch' in this town. And when I say 'brunch' I mean, everyday, from noon until midnight everyone sits in outdoor cafes, strategically placed, street - facing designer purses, and pretend to eat. When I'm back to to restaurant grind, let me tell you...I will make a killing on tips from the masses of nonworking, pretend-eating LA-droids.

Driving down or up Pacific Coast Highway never gets boring and serves as the most beautiful reminder of why we love California.

Don't Change That Channel....

A preview of upcoming posts...

1. DMV actually stands for....'Oh, Did you have to pee? Sorry...Many, many more people are in line ahead of you to enter the building, once inside you'll have to wait in a few more lines, and by the time you get your new plates, tags, certificates, license and the rest...it's now Valentines Day and you've peed your pants...'

2. People who abuse Facebook and why they make me feel so darn smart...my list of standout posts, status updates, likes, and pages, including 'Milk and Cookies are Good but God is Better'...

Highly Recommended for Your Listening Pleasure

Kings of Convenience ...recommended to us from our car neighbor at a stop light. We turned down our lovely music to hear their lovely music...and chatted for a bit about California, the secret of life and Kings of Convenience...pleasant car neighbors, they were...

Happy Halloween!

Hey Stranger...

We miss our dear Baltimore friends and find ourselves trying to replace them with random California people on the street. We call to these west coast doppelgangers...like this:

'Hey girl with strawberry blond hair who is about 5'7"...Do you like Janis Joplin and the Dixie Chicks? Would you like to sing a song with me in my car?'

'Hey Indian guy with a goatee...do you sing really well? Can you play the guitar? Are you really, really good at Trivial Pursuit? If so, I challenge you to a game.'

'Hey guy with a beard that looks like Noah but is a little shorter and very pretty girl with him who has brown hair and a homemade hula hoop....Have one or both of you ever been referred to as Top or Bottom Bunk? If so...wanna drink some Boh's?'

'Hey guy with the yellow dog. Is your dog called D? Do you want to get some Wild Turkey and a 2 liter diet coke and do something like cruise the river in a canoe?'

'Hey girl that looks like the girl from the show Bones but prettier...do you want to have a dance party at 3am, or make me laugh with some very good and dry jokes or meet at exit 156 off Route 70 at Starbucks and take some pictures and dehydrate my cat?'

'Hey guy with your special speedy bike for bike racing and wide assortment of Volkswagen's parked in your driveway (brown, green and purple). Do you want to skateboard with me until we're silly drunk, fall 'trying to nail a sick trick' and eventually break one of my fingers?'

'Hey tall Aussie, are you a shark wrangler?'

'Hey girl with my dream job. Would you like to go on a late night Royal Farms run with me for some gummies and other supplies or watch my cat attack your purse?'

'Hey pretty lady with long dark hair, sorry to interrupt this event you are so awesomely in charge of...but wondering if you would like to play some Scrabble since you kinda rock at the game?'

'Hey toothless man grinning as best you can at me...Do you work for the bread company? Can I have some free bagels?'

'Hey guy with some really, really good falafel at the farmers market. Wait, my mistake, this is not the best falafel but you're close enough. Wanna hook me up with some falafel and a huge jar of local honey that I will have for many, many months?'

'Hey girl that looks like me...do you like Micheal Franti and Leonard Cohen? Shall we dance or just talk for many, many hours at a tiny dive bar?'

'Hey, you, very curly hair guy that perhaps used to be dreaded...I need a hug. If you are good at hugs perhaps you will share one?'

'Hey guy with no shoes on, with a passion for travel and Hawaiian surf...want to loose $1,000 in the console of your car and ride back from a Phish show, 6 people deep in the cab of a pickup truck, tripping and then find the money months later...No?! Why the hell not?'

If you're not included in our stories...just simply means we haven't run into your west coast stunt double yet...and we cannot wait to see the real you and/or force/ scare a stranger to be your double and our friend.

Love to all.

Fetch Eesa!

Mad Lib's Makes Life More Interesting

While paroosing Craigs List's, 'Free' Section, I came across THIS...the best Craigs List Posting I have read to date. Thought I'd share:


My Dearest Craigslist,

Some of you may recall a posting I put up here about 2 weeks ago regarding the free donation of my futon, Sir Lumpy the Wonder Couch, to any party willing to come pick him up. Here's an excerpt from that post detailing Lumpy's advanced features...

"2) What makes Lumpy a "Wonder Couch"?
This one is easy. Lumpy boasts several features that set him apart from the every day living room sitter. First of all, if you'll notice the wide flat wooden arm rests, you'll see how fantastically ergonomically designed they are for holding beers, eating dinner, housing remote controls, setting your laptop computer, and use as step stools. Also, Lumpy boasts ample under couch storage space so you can keep things below him as I have kept my DVD collection and some old stuff I don't want. Thirdly, Lumpy is actually a "Wonder Futon", so he folds down flat and gives your friends a place to crash."

Upon reading said post, many of you replied. Some of you wanted to make Lumpy your wonder couch, while others just thought it would be fun to tell me how much they enjoyed hearing Lumpy's story, but as they are heartless bastards, they care not what happens to him and will allow him to be dumpsterized. However, the main problem was that of all the people that claimed they wanted to be Lumpy's new moms and dads, not a single one of them was like "Sure, I have a pickup truck, I'll come get him"... It was a bunch of "Ohh we want Lumpy real bad... umm, well yeah, I drive a Honda Civic, do you think I can take it apart?" ... Really? A FUTON OF WONDER is gonna fit in a Honda Civic? Come on people.

So, yet again, I'm giving you a chance to take advantage of this extremely awesome opportunity. I'll make it really easy for you... Please copy and paste the Mad Lib style template from below into an e-mail and fill in the blanks...

Dear Esteemed Owner of Lumpy the Wonder Couch,
I, _________(Proper noun, name), find you to be extremely generous, honest, and good natured. I would love to adore and care for Lumpy the Wonder Couch and enjoy watching _______ (noun, entertainment of some kind) on him while using his amply wide flat arm rests to hold a hearty plate of ___________ (noun, delicious food). My ________ (noun, personal relationship), __________ (Proper noun, name) also likes to sleep over a lot and will enjoy Lumpy's ergonomic curvature on a regular basis.

I would like to come to your place in my __________ (noun, large vehicle) with my buddy ___________ (Proper noun, large friend) to carry Lumpy away on ___________ (day) or maybe ________ (other day) if that works better for you. If my buddy is not available, I will bring some _________ (Proper noun, name of alcoholic beverage) for you in trade for your assistance in loading up my new Wonder Couch.

Thanks Very Much!,
________________ (Proper noun, name)
______________ (10-digit number, assigned to phone)

Just in case you're intrigued again, but don't want the sofa, here's an alternative mad lib for you to fill out...

Dear Esteemed Owner of Lumpy the Wonder Couch,
I, _________(Proper noun, name), find you to be extremely generous, honest, and good natured. I would love to adore and care for Lumpy the Wonder Couch, but I cannot, so I have decided to deviate from your e-mail template and provide you with something entertaining to read instead. (insert entertaining stories, pictures, links to youtube videos, etc).

Thanks Very Much!,
________________ (Proper noun, name)

Another key point of this post was my answering what would happen if Lumpy was not adopted. Please refer to the quoted text below:

"4) What will happen to Lumpy if I don't adopt him?
I'm a relentless S.O.B. I'm going to take Lumpy to go live on a "farm" (dumpster), where he can have "lots of room" (rats and flies) to "run and play" (poop and sleep in him) with."

Nobody took this seriously ... so just so you guys know what may happen to Lumpy at any time, I've sacrificed an ostrich to the man-eating bear shark I keep in my house and took gruesome images to horrify you with.

Come get my couch!


Keywords: poop, lumpy, couch, sofa, futon, lumps, lumpsta, sexy, awesome, wonder, wonderful, amazing, best place to sit ever, someone to give free beer to, free, lumpalump, bear shark, dragon, couch destruction, dumpster diver, save lumpy, gimme free beer.