Fetch Eesa!

Mad Lib's Makes Life More Interesting

While paroosing Craigs List's, 'Free' Section, I came across THIS...the best Craigs List Posting I have read to date. Thought I'd share:


My Dearest Craigslist,

Some of you may recall a posting I put up here about 2 weeks ago regarding the free donation of my futon, Sir Lumpy the Wonder Couch, to any party willing to come pick him up. Here's an excerpt from that post detailing Lumpy's advanced features...

"2) What makes Lumpy a "Wonder Couch"?
This one is easy. Lumpy boasts several features that set him apart from the every day living room sitter. First of all, if you'll notice the wide flat wooden arm rests, you'll see how fantastically ergonomically designed they are for holding beers, eating dinner, housing remote controls, setting your laptop computer, and use as step stools. Also, Lumpy boasts ample under couch storage space so you can keep things below him as I have kept my DVD collection and some old stuff I don't want. Thirdly, Lumpy is actually a "Wonder Futon", so he folds down flat and gives your friends a place to crash."

Upon reading said post, many of you replied. Some of you wanted to make Lumpy your wonder couch, while others just thought it would be fun to tell me how much they enjoyed hearing Lumpy's story, but as they are heartless bastards, they care not what happens to him and will allow him to be dumpsterized. However, the main problem was that of all the people that claimed they wanted to be Lumpy's new moms and dads, not a single one of them was like "Sure, I have a pickup truck, I'll come get him"... It was a bunch of "Ohh we want Lumpy real bad... umm, well yeah, I drive a Honda Civic, do you think I can take it apart?" ... Really? A FUTON OF WONDER is gonna fit in a Honda Civic? Come on people.

So, yet again, I'm giving you a chance to take advantage of this extremely awesome opportunity. I'll make it really easy for you... Please copy and paste the Mad Lib style template from below into an e-mail and fill in the blanks...

Dear Esteemed Owner of Lumpy the Wonder Couch,
I, _________(Proper noun, name), find you to be extremely generous, honest, and good natured. I would love to adore and care for Lumpy the Wonder Couch and enjoy watching _______ (noun, entertainment of some kind) on him while using his amply wide flat arm rests to hold a hearty plate of ___________ (noun, delicious food). My ________ (noun, personal relationship), __________ (Proper noun, name) also likes to sleep over a lot and will enjoy Lumpy's ergonomic curvature on a regular basis.

I would like to come to your place in my __________ (noun, large vehicle) with my buddy ___________ (Proper noun, large friend) to carry Lumpy away on ___________ (day) or maybe ________ (other day) if that works better for you. If my buddy is not available, I will bring some _________ (Proper noun, name of alcoholic beverage) for you in trade for your assistance in loading up my new Wonder Couch.

Thanks Very Much!,
________________ (Proper noun, name)
______________ (10-digit number, assigned to phone)

Just in case you're intrigued again, but don't want the sofa, here's an alternative mad lib for you to fill out...

Dear Esteemed Owner of Lumpy the Wonder Couch,
I, _________(Proper noun, name), find you to be extremely generous, honest, and good natured. I would love to adore and care for Lumpy the Wonder Couch, but I cannot, so I have decided to deviate from your e-mail template and provide you with something entertaining to read instead. (insert entertaining stories, pictures, links to youtube videos, etc).

Thanks Very Much!,
________________ (Proper noun, name)

Another key point of this post was my answering what would happen if Lumpy was not adopted. Please refer to the quoted text below:

"4) What will happen to Lumpy if I don't adopt him?
I'm a relentless S.O.B. I'm going to take Lumpy to go live on a "farm" (dumpster), where he can have "lots of room" (rats and flies) to "run and play" (poop and sleep in him) with."

Nobody took this seriously ... so just so you guys know what may happen to Lumpy at any time, I've sacrificed an ostrich to the man-eating bear shark I keep in my house and took gruesome images to horrify you with.

Come get my couch!


Keywords: poop, lumpy, couch, sofa, futon, lumps, lumpsta, sexy, awesome, wonder, wonderful, amazing, best place to sit ever, someone to give free beer to, free, lumpalump, bear shark, dragon, couch destruction, dumpster diver, save lumpy, gimme free beer.