Nooks and Crannies

I held my first intervention. For a hoarder unaware of his hoarding habits.

Here's the play by play:

Me (to hoarder): 'Thanks for bringing home the bacon during our last week in Baltimore.'
Hoarder: 'I don't mind working...because you'll be home packing everything...right?'
Me: 'Yaaaaay' (insert sarcasm here)
Hoarder: 'Glad that's settled'
Me: 'Not so fast buddy...the computer desk is stacked with cassette and VHS tapes which I don't understand in the least, considering your love affair with new technology and your recent purchase of a DVD player the size of my cell phone. Also...there is a suspicious three-drawer dresser that seems to have become a resting place for....how do I put this nicely...odds and ends?'
Hoarder: 'So?'
Me: 'Well, it's not just the desk and the dresser, but the various corners of each room, shelf, and drawer that hold random yet highly important paperwork. Your filing system is...well, it's the whole house.'
Hoarder: 'So?'
Me: 'Let's 'Tour le Hoard'. First destination, the bathroom medicine cabinet. 'Ah HA...your health AND car insurance certificates.'
Destination two, the kitchen towel drawer. 'What do we have here...your tax return paperwork.'
Hoarder: 'So?'
Me: 'Ok...let's skip your filing system for now and re-discover the abyss of the three-drawer dresser.' Reaching into the top drawer I pull out clear, plastic, lensless glasses with a button that activates neon lights that encircle the rims, assorted pairs of shoelaces, a cell phone from 1998, two remote controls to TV's we don't own, an Orioles Magic CD (and you thought they just played baseball?), and nasal spray that expired in 1982.
Hoarder: 'Ok, I see your point. I'll sort through this stuff.'

Skip ahead three days...I'm packing and boxing and boxing and labeling when I come across the three-drawer dresser.
The hoarder's made some progress...he's added a mini tambourine, three multi-colored ping-pong balls, a bike tire pocket pump, and oddly enough, yet another cell phone circa '98.

I suppose Kevin Millar did give a stand up performance on the Orioles Magic CD. Maybe some things are meant to be keepers.